


Kenma’s Disgusting and Greasy Hair

by pissfizz



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Crack Fic, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff? Kind of?? Idk bro, Gen, Hair, Hair Washing, Kenma hates washing his hair, Kenma is also kinda feral, Kenma is basically a cat, Kenma’s nasty fricken hair, Kuroo just wants to help, Non consensual hair washing, also it’s like kind of naturally wavy but it’s so dirty it’s weighed down and looks straight, and so is Yaku, but hes also a Little Shit, its seriously disgusting, so he just like doesn’t do it, they have to physically restrain him to wash his hair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:54:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27595787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pissfizz/pseuds/pissfizz
Summary: Uh yeah I think the tags capture this pretty well
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma & Yaku Morisuke, Kuroo Tetsurou & Yaku Morisuke
Kudos: 22





	Kenma’s Disgusting and Greasy Hair

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry but I don’t know anyone on Nekoma’s names except Kenma, Kuroo, Yaku, Lev, Yamamoto, and Fukunaga, so...   
> and I’ve never written Kuroo or Yaku before so I hope they came out well >_<
> 
> Also I have no idea where this idea came from but I hope you like it

Kenma hates washing his hair. He despises it. He hates the feeling of touching those tiny thin strands and getting them tangled in his fingers, he hates the sticky soap in his hands, and he hates water in general. It’s bad enough that he has to _shower_ all the time, and he wants to get the feat over with as soon as possible every time. And so Kenma simply never washes his hair. He’ll rinse it occasionally, but he honestly can’t remember the last time he thoroughly washed his hair. If he had to guess, he’d say right before he dyed it. He still combed through it, because if he hated touching it to wash it, he definitely hated having it tangled even more.   
Although, because of this, Kenma’s hair is very...gross. It was thick with grease, kind of stringy, and hung dirty and heavy around his head. If it smelled bad, he didn’t notice, probably long used to the scent, and it was shiny with the oils from his scalp. In other words, Kenma’s hair was disgusting.   
Kuroo despised it. Whenever Kenma slept over, wherever his head had been that night was always left greasy and gross. He hated seeing it, but never said anything. He was sure everyone else on the team had noticed as well, and never said anything out of respect for the genius setter. But something had to be done, whether Kenma liked it or not.   
And so, after practice one day, Kuroo began to seek out Yaku, who undeniably had the prettiest and healthiest hair on he Nekoma team.   
“Yaku! I need your help with something!” He called, running to catch up with the libero.  
“Huh? What is it, Kuroo?” Yaku frowned. Kuroo bent slightly to whisper in his ear, telling him all about his plan to clean Kenma’s hair.   
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”   
“Oh, it’s definitely not, but it’s so disgusting I can’t stand it anymore.” Kuroo smirked. A mischievous smile bloomed on Yaku’s face, and he gave a small nod.  
“Alright. Let’s do it.”  
________

Kenma didn’t know why Yaku was walking home with them, and it made him uneasy. He kept shooting the older boy suspicious glances, none of which were acknowledged by him or Kuroo.   
When the time came for Kenma to split off and go into his home, he was surprised to see the two following him. It wasn’t unusual for Kuroo to follow him home, the boy did have his own key after all, but he wasn’t close with Yaku.  
“Why are you here?” Kenma finally asked, his voice monotone and quiet.   
“Well, Kuroo invited me, so I’ve just been following him.” The shorter boy shrugged innocently. Kenma gave a suspicious glare, but turned back to unlock the door anyway. Once inside he immediately made his way up to his bedroom, ignoring the other two people in his house. He was not, however, expecting both of them to grab onto him and shove him into the bathroom.   
Kenma sighed. He didn’t have the energy for this. Rolling his eyes, he sat on the toilet seat with his arms crossed.   
“Is there a reason you’re doing this?” He said.  
“Yep! Just give us a minute, and you’ll see!” Kuroo cheered from outside the door. Kenma gave another sigh of exasperation.   
When the two third years entered the bathroom carrying bottles of soap, he knew exactly what was going on.  
“No way.” He said, trying to move away from them, but the bathroom wasn’t very big, and he didn’t have much room to get away from them.   
“Oh, come on Kenma, your hair is literally filthy.” Kuroo whined.  
“ _No_.”   
Kuroo gave a little sigh. “That sucks...I was hoping this would be easy.” And with that, he grabbed the small second year in a bear hug, and pulled him into the bath tub.   
Kenma thrashed around, scratching and kicking at the bigger boy, pulling his hair, hissing, demanding to be let go. Kuroo kept his grip on him, and Kenma was suddenly upset that he wasn’t stronger and more athletic like his best friend.   
And then Yaku started the water. It poured down from the shower head, drenching the two boys, fully clothed and all. Kenma yowled and thrashed even harder, trying to get away from the harsh stream of water.   
“Wow...he really is just like a cat, isn’t he?” Yaku muttered. He shook himself out of his thoughts and turned his attention to Kuroo.  
“Hold his head steady!” And with that, Yaku squirted a generous amount of shampoo into his hands, and began to attempt to run it through the nasty strands. Kenma didn’t make it easy, jolting his head around and clawing at the two of them. Yaku put more shampoo into his hand, realizing that the amount he had would not do the deep cleaning job necessary. He tried to be as thorough as possible, trying to get every strand, his scalp, everywhere.   
Finally it was time to rinse it out. Yaku was nervous as he reached for the shower head, and as soon as Kenma noticed he began trying to pull away even more forcefully.   
The pudding haired boy sputtered as water and soap ran down his face, and he kept trying to rip away. Water was by far one of his least favorite things in the world. But alas, Kuroo held strong, and pretended he wasn’t having fun watching the ordeal.   
Yaku repeated the steps with conditioner, much to Kenma’s dismay, and what was even worse was that he had to wait before washing it out. Kuroo kept his arms wrapped around him as they waited, probably so the feral second year didn’t try and bolt. Not that it would be much of an issue catching him if he did, but it was still an unnecessary hassle.   
And then finally, they were done. As soon as Kuroo let go, Kenma ripped away, fumbling out of the tub and hastily snatching a towel as he ran from the room.   
When Yaku and Kuroo found him, he was in his room, sitting in the corner, frantically drying himself off. When he noticed them, he gave a glare that could probably kill someone that wasn’t used to receiving it as much as the two third years were.   
“I hope you die.” The setter snarled.   
“Yeah, yeah. We’re sorry, dude, but that was seriously nasty. You need to take better care of yourself, and we won’t have to do that.” Kuroo shrugged. “Anyways, get changed or something, you’ll get sick hanging around in wet clothes.”   
“You’re wearing wet clothes.”  
“And that’s why I’m going to go home now and change. We did what we came here to do. Farewell, Kenma!” And with that Kuroo turned from the room and left. Yaku scrambled to follow, not wanting to be left alone with Kenma after forcing him to get clean.   
With a huff, Kenma stood and changed into his pajamas, and grabbed his PSP. When his parents got home they were shocked to see their son with clean hair, and made him change his pillow case so that it didn’t get dirty all over again.   
That night, Kenma sat curled up under his covers, playing his game in the dark. Tentatively he reached up and touched his hair, surprised to feel it soft. Maybe cleaning it every once in awhile wasn’t so bad...  
_________

The next day, Kenma made his way to school, shrinking down under the surprised looks of the kids that also got there early for clubs. No one had ever seen him with clean hair before, and thus no one had seen it in it’s entirety.   
When he got to the club room, everyone stopped to stare at him with wide eyes.   
“Kenma, your hair!” Yamamoto exclaimed.   
“What about it...”   
“It’s clean!”   
“I know.”   
“So...your hair...”  
“Your hair isn’t actually straight?!” Lev shouted. Kenma glared at the tall first year. It was in fact true, his hair now light, fluffy, and most notably, _wavy_. Almost reaching curly, but not quite. The shine was no longer from grease, either, and it almost made him look like a whole other person.   
“No...it’s not...” he grumbled.   
“Dude...I’m so sorry, but your hair was really gross if it weighed your curls down that much...” someone coughed. Kenma sighed and shoved his way to his locker.  
“I don’t really care, it’s those two’s fault anyway....” he nodded in the direction of Kuroo and Yaku, who were looking at their accomplishment with a look of pride.   
“Well, I think your hair looks swell!” Fukunaga gave a wide eyed smile and thumbs up, and Kenma just sighed. He hated all this attention, but...maybe they all had a point. It did feel a lot better with clean hair....  
Whatever. He didn’t have that kind of motivation.


End file.
